Thursday, February 09, 2006

Jumeirah Jane

1. Original Jane
Has spent most of the last decade and perhaps even more withering away in her bougainvillea-strewn Jumeirah home. Other Janes view a friendship with her as something to be proud of. Her kids go to JESS, she shops at Wafi 'because it's the best', and plays tennis with 'the girls' at the One & Only when her husband's out of town and she's feeling lonely.

2. New Money Jane
Her previous life back home was relatively simple and modest until the 'Dear Husband' found a job here in the desertscape and suddenly both of them transformed their lifestyle. Personifies arrogance, name drops at every opportunity and queues up without shame at the Horse Races for the Ahlan! Mag phototaking sessions. She takes the maid for Spinneys shopping trips to push the trolley and to do the general housekeeping ('I don't do domestics darling!')

Ensures the house is spic and span ('Our maid scrubs the tiles, wipes the roof tiles and lives in a two-by-four room but we make sure she is very much a part of the family!') and religiously attends coffee mornings at the Lime Tree Cafe.

This Jane is generally terrified of moving back home to her modest upbringing and enjoys the bubble life of Dubai. Loses the ability of holding deep conversation and will eventually wither away into insignificance.

3. Jittery Jane
This Jane moved to Dubai a few years ago on a slightly-more-than-modest package and has faced a hard time since. Jittery Jane lives on the outskirts of Satwa but has no qualms calling the locality Jumeirah. On the outside she is very much a Jane but on the inside she fears the extravagant prices that seem to be shooting up even further. She disguises herself under a veil to prevent being spotted at an unfashionable Union co-op outlet and is attracted like flies to a garbage can to garage sales. Enjoys trips to The One with the girls but while the others are shaking in glee with their furniture purchases, she is secretely trembling with fright at the price.

This JJ is finding it increasingly harder to fund her lifestyle, but is horrified at the thought of downsizing to a life of Mirdiff Martyrdom, and possibly exclusion from her current social circles, as they realise she really isn't all that glam.

4. ex-Jumeirah Jane
This Jane bought a villa in the freehold developments and moved south to take up residence shortly after completion. Her bland surroundings reflect her personality - soulless and uninspiring. She lunches at the Lakes, shops at Spinneys at the Marina and does without the whole Lime Tree coffee morning rituals altogether, instead preferring to go to indulge in the wife-swapping that is rife in the new communities.
This species is particularly hopeless.


Blogger redstar said...

Wifeswapping is rife?!

12:24 pm GMT+4  
Blogger Keef said...

So, no normal Janes to be seen in Dubai?

2:21 pm GMT+4  
Blogger nzm said...

Do you want Plain Janes, Keefie?


8:57 pm GMT+4  
Blogger secretdubai said...

Was this supposed to rhyme?

Her kids go to JESS,
she shops at Wafi 'because it's the best',
and plays tennis with 'the girls' at the One & Only
when her husband's out of town and she's feeling lonely.

And yes - tell us more about the wifeswapping please. I've only heard the most disappointingly vague of rumours.

2:04 am GMT+4  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh the brainless Janes are back. There is a cross between 1's & 2's. There are also the ones that want desperately to be American (or fill in the blank) and sends her progenies off to the American School (or fill in the blank), donate her time to said school so she can ingrain herself into the social fibers of best of what America (or fill in the blank) has to offer. The offsprings go to that speicifc school because "all the rest are crap". Can't live without being the center of attention and the main focus of all her friends. Treats her husband like a doormat, and an ATM machine.

Oh boy, I can go on and on. A subject near and not so dear to my heart.

4:54 pm GMT+4  
Blogger CG said...

nomad camels.....I think we walk the same path everyday and encounter the same wannabees too.

5:41 pm GMT+4  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes , tell us more on the wife swapping !

12:51 pm GMT+4  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

CG-quite possibly. It's not hard to figure out who I am.

2:19 pm GMT+4  
Blogger desertblog said...

secretdubai it was supposed to rhyme but it all went wrong after the first few lines!
I have heard of one or two swingers parties in Emaarville but can't admit to ever attending one, the selection can't be that great either...

7:36 pm GMT+4  
Blogger marwan said...

"Jumeirah English Speaking School"

Because one can only really, really learn English from JESS.

2:48 am GMT+4  
Blogger CG said...

wrong Marwan.

the wannabees are only at one school. the others dont wannabee cos they already are.

11:33 pm GMT+4  
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Blogger secretdubai said...

have you vanished?!

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Jumeriah Jane's make this place acceptable. I love them.


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