Jumeirah Jane

1. Original Jane
Has spent most of the last decade and perhaps even more withering away in her bougainvillea-strewn Jumeirah home. Other Janes view a friendship with her as something to be proud of. Her kids go to JESS, she shops at Wafi 'because it's the best', and plays tennis with 'the girls' at the One & Only when her husband's out of town and she's feeling lonely.

2. New Money Jane
Her previous life back home was relatively simple and modest until the 'Dear Husband' found a job here in the desertscape and suddenly both of them transformed their lifestyle. Personifies arrogance, name drops at every opportunity and queues up without shame at the Horse Races for the Ahlan! Mag phototaking sessions. She takes the maid for Spinneys shopping trips to push the trolley and to do the general housekeeping ('I don't do domestics darling!')

Ensures the house is spic and span ('Our maid scrubs the tiles, wipes the roof tiles and lives in a two-by-four room but we make sure she is very much a part of the family!') and religiously attends coffee mornings at the Lime Tree Cafe.

This Jane is generally terrified of moving back home to her modest upbringing and enjoys the bubble life of Dubai. Loses the ability of holding deep conversation and will eventually wither away into insignificance.

3. Jittery Jane
This Jane moved to Dubai a few years ago on a slightly-more-than-modest package and has faced a hard time since. Jittery Jane lives on the outskirts of Satwa but has no qualms calling the locality Jumeirah. On the outside she is very much a Jane but on the inside she fears the extravagant prices that seem to be shooting up even further. She disguises herself under a veil to prevent being spotted at an unfashionable Union co-op outlet and is attracted like flies to a garbage can to garage sales. Enjoys trips to The One with the girls but while the others are shaking in glee with their furniture purchases, she is secretely trembling with fright at the price.

This JJ is finding it increasingly harder to fund her lifestyle, but is horrified at the thought of downsizing to a life of Mirdiff Martyrdom, and possibly exclusion from her current social circles, as they realise she really isn't all that glam.

4. ex-Jumeirah Jane
This Jane bought a villa in the freehold developments and moved south to take up residence shortly after completion. Her bland surroundings reflect her personality - soulless and uninspiring. She lunches at the Lakes, shops at Spinneys at the Marina and does without the whole Lime Tree coffee morning rituals altogether, instead preferring to go to indulge in the wife-swapping that is rife in the new communities.
This species is particularly hopeless.